Black Notebook

National Novel Writing Month

I have just signed up for National Novel Writing Month for 2009. Now that my college work is coming to an end I want to return to the writing again. Over the last two years my head has been too full of MSC learning for me to seriously commit to any pieces of work. Signing up for the challenge has two purposes. Firstly, it is an explicit commitment to writing again and working towards a serious amount of words. Secondly, I have an idea for a new novel and I think the discipline of writing 50k words in a month will be a fantastic way to get the first rough draft done. It feels good to be back in an artistic groove again.

The Gentle Art of Saying "No"

I run my own business and one of the curses of being self employed is the fear that you will run out of work, that the clients will stop calling you. For this reason, I have always struggled to say "no" to pieces of work that I know will not end well.

I'm currently working for a client where I have had a challenging three weeks. At the start of the project I knew that the omens were not looking good but I ignored my gut instinct and ploughed forward. Today, I did a handover to a senior client representative. The feedback that I have had has all been very positive - he was delighted with what I had done. However, the political machinations of the last twenty one days have not put me in a good place so I decided to be honest, for once, and tell him both what I felt and what I wanted. I explained that I didn't want to work on this particular project any more as I didn't feel that I could add value in the current climate and that it didn't fit with either my values or the way that I like to work. The result? Ten seconds of surprise from the client, then acceptance, a genuine expression that he understood and respected my position, followed by the offer of further work on other projects

The lesson I've learnt is simple - you can't please everyone, especially if it feels "wrong wrong wrong", and, if you tell the truth as you see it, you get respect.

Running

I have been moaning for some time about how much additional weight I have been accumulating. This is mostly down to the fact that I consume more calories than I use. My weight is not hormonal problem, it is not any one else's fault. It all down to to me - I eat too much and I don't move around enough.

To combat this I purchased a pair of running shoes about three weeks ago. Lurking at the back of my mind was the dark thought that I would actually have to use them if they were going to help me with my weight loss and that the simple act of purchasing was probably not going to magically make forty pounds of fat fall away from my body. As I left the shop I had to resist the frantic urge to run back and beg them to give me my money back as I had made some terrible mistake.

I am delighted to report that I have proved my doubters (me) wrong by actually using them for a proper run this evening, I am doing a very easy programme to build up my strength and stamina. It was the first time I have done street running in ten years and I really enjoyed it. It was a beautiful evening in London and I was so enjoying running along the Embankment and over the bridges that the thirty minutes flew by. I am hot and sweaty but my muscles don't hurt or ache which is a bonus. I am also sneakily proud that the voice of doubt and endless procrastination in my head was wrong.

I know it is just the start but, bloody hell, I actually did it.

My Voice

"Actually, I don't want to write like other people. I want to write like me."

Sixty One Nails

My friend Mike has got just his first book deal. If you like fantasy fiction I'd recommend you buy a copy of his novel Sixty One Nails. I'm not a huge fan of fantasy, but my opinion of the genre changed after Mike shared the drafts with me over the course of eighteen months. It really is a great book, out in November, so get it on your Christmas list now.

The National Health Service

Number two child is going into hospital on Wednesday to have her ears and breathing sorted out. As parents, we're very fretful, as it's the first time she has had any sort of operation. We took her to the hospital today for the pre-operative checks and some kind of administrative cock-up had occurred which meant that they weren't expecting her. My heart dropped, because I was convinced that we would be sent home from what was clearly a fully booked clinic and that we would also be bumped from the operating theatre slot on Wednesday because the checks had not been done. The staff had other ideas. After a ten-second moan directed at their local administrative team they squeezed us in and treated us superbly - they explained everything to number 2 child using photos and simple language and then explained it to us (using similar methods). The next hiccup in the process was the need for a hearing test, which also had not been sorted out in advance. The audiology clinic was wedged with people but within fifteen minutes they found us a slot, the test was done, and we have all the bits of paper we need for the operation to go ahead.

The NHS gets a lot of bad press but I think they did a stirling job today and I'm grateful for their professionalism and good humour.

No more eating worms

After six months of "sitting in the garden and eating worms" I have taken off the dust covers of the Blacknotebook blog and am going to use it again. I have no real plan, other than publishing bits and pieces that interest me and using it to build up my confidence to get some of my creative writing work published.

New Year

I am not a big fan of New Year's Eve. It has always felt like a "false dawn" to me, an artificial break point between the old year and the new. I dislike the artificial bonhomie that it generates - particularly the "mailing list" SMS messages you get , post midnight, from people who have drunk too much and realised as they scroll through the address book in their mobile phone that they haven't spoken to you for the best part of a year. "Hope to see you next year" is usually the last sentence, but it is a throw away comment, it's not meant seriously. I can guess which friends will find time to see us next year. The same ones that made the effort last year. I don't meant this to sound negative, I'm just recognising that as my life has changed and the demands of a young family and running a business fill my life, my social circle is shrinking to a core group of people that actually make the effort to find time to see each other.

Despite that, I did enjoy my self because we kept it low key at Blacknotebook Towers. There was just three of us in the house and we spent most of the evening sitting around a log fire in our garden. It took us about thirty minutes to get the fire started and we nearly gave up, because the kindling would just not light. Eventually, we managed to get the mixture of fuel, oxygen and ignition in the correct proportions and the air was filled with sweet smell of applewood logs beginning to catch. Another fifteen minutes later and we had heat - lots of heat. The evening was bitterly cold and I got to experience the odd pleasure of the front of my body being roasted by the flames and my back being chilled to the bone by the icy air. I was so consumed by watching the flames flicker and spit (what my friend calls "Natures Television") that I missed the clock hitting midnight completely. It was a good forty five minutes before I realised that the New Year had actually started. I had also missed five text messages on my mobile.

"Nevermind", I thought, as I put another log on the fire.

A Walk in The Woods

I have been spending too much time indoors over the last few months and felt a real need to get out into the outside world last weekend. It was time for a family outing to the woods at West Stow and a meandering walk in the drizzle. I normally hate the rain, but was so desperate for fresh air that I managed to keep my moaning in check for at least an hour. The day was punctuated by a reckless murder of crows, a beautiful oak tree and the discovery of a piece of Victoria industrial architecture that I fell in love with.

Back in Black Notebook

After a period of consideration I have decided to reinstate the site.