Black Notebook

Relax!

I should be relaxing. I have finished my masters degree dissertation. I am only doing client work two days a week. There are no client deadlines to worry about, no books to read, no reports to write. For the first time in nearly two years I am free from the constant nagging worries that there is much to be done and not enough time to complete it. I have emerged blinking into 2010 with the opportunity to get on with the rest of my life but I am finding it very hard to adjust to not having to do anything. It feels like I have institutionalised myself into being constantly stressed and worried. I have even fallen into the ridiculous trap of allowing myself to be worried about not being able to relax. I think I need a long walk and to institute a manual reset on my brain.

Fear of Change

It has been an interesting few weeks for me. I am exploring new business opportunities as I come to the end of my masters degree. During this process I have been meeting and talking with intelligent, articulate and interesting people about what is possible in the future and whether there are any areas that we can work together. It has been a fascinating experience, because in talking about the future we have all confessed that we have no idea what change will actually be required in ourselves, and in our businesses, to deal with the challenges that we face. We all know that we need to do things differently, but have little tangible idea about what this actually will be. This has got me wondering about why people fear change so much, if we actually have no control over it, and that there is no real "plan" we can overlay on the world. When we plan we create an illusion of control, convince ourselves that the world will bend to our will and desires. I am not sure planning has ever delivered exactly what I want. The world is always getting in the way with its own agenda, and rarely seems to care about my detailed little project plan. I am not advocating that we should stop making decisions about what we would like to do, but more that these decisions will be moulded and changed by circumstances that we have little or no control over it. It feels quite liberating to me think of the future in that way - it's not about trying to control everything, more about making some decisions that work for me and seeing what happens.

The National Health Service

Number two child is going into hospital on Wednesday to have her ears and breathing sorted out. As parents, we're very fretful, as it's the first time she has had any sort of operation. We took her to the hospital today for the pre-operative checks and some kind of administrative cock-up had occurred which meant that they weren't expecting her. My heart dropped, because I was convinced that we would be sent home from what was clearly a fully booked clinic and that we would also be bumped from the operating theatre slot on Wednesday because the checks had not been done. The staff had other ideas. After a ten-second moan directed at their local administrative team they squeezed us in and treated us superbly - they explained everything to number 2 child using photos and simple language and then explained it to us (using similar methods). The next hiccup in the process was the need for a hearing test, which also had not been sorted out in advance. The audiology clinic was wedged with people but within fifteen minutes they found us a slot, the test was done, and we have all the bits of paper we need for the operation to go ahead.

The NHS gets a lot of bad press but I think they did a stirling job today and I'm grateful for their professionalism and good humour.

A Walk in The Woods

I have been spending too much time indoors over the last few months and felt a real need to get out into the outside world last weekend. It was time for a family outing to the woods at West Stow and a meandering walk in the drizzle. I normally hate the rain, but was so desperate for fresh air that I managed to keep my moaning in check for at least an hour. The day was punctuated by a reckless murder of crows, a beautiful oak tree and the discovery of a piece of Victoria industrial architecture that I fell in love with.

Back in Black Notebook

After a period of consideration I have decided to reinstate the site.